


Quiet Violence

by ellebelle



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/M, M/M, OT4, OT5, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-01-11
Packaged: 2017-11-23 05:19:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/618530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellebelle/pseuds/ellebelle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'If you hit me with words you don't say, it still hurts.<br/>So I'll hit you back by biting my tongue.<br/>And we'll have a war without any volume. '</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title/Summary from 'Quiet Violence' by Sharon Kenny. You should probably listen to it. It's kind of amazing. 
> 
> I obviously own nothing in this story. And it's just a story and OT5 is fake and Taylor is probably a doll and not the end all of One Direction. Probably. 
> 
> This is my first! story here, so please leave some constructive criticism. I'd really appreciate it!
> 
> Thanks for reading. xx

cold wind bites harry's cheeks as he walks down the sidewalk and away from everything he's known for the last two and a half years. 

he can turn now, if he wants, and see the four of them tucked on the couch together, oblivious to the fact that he's left. if he looks now he'd see the way that liam's hand twists in louis' hair, zayn laughing into niall's shoulder, and there isn't any room for him in that. there's isn't any room for him anywhere anymore. 

he knows if he looks now, they'll be the perfect family inside the perfectly frosted picture window next to the perfectly decorated christmas tree and that louis and niall had done together, presents stacked artfully underneath. 

and thereias no room for harry with his too slow voice, and too tall body, and too many feelings in their perfect little lives. 

___________________________

 

louis and eleanor break up right after madison square garden. she helps him decorate his christmas trees, both of them, and then sits him at the table and takes his hand in hers. 

'i'm leaving tonight.' she states firmly. 

'where're you going?'

'no, like, i'm not coming back.'

'before christmas?'

'ever."

'i don't understand.'

'i just can't do this anymore.' she sighs softly, running her fingers along his knuckles.

'can't do what? we're happy.'

'i'm not happy.' she wrinkles her brow at him. 'you're not happy, either.'

'i am. i'm happy when i'm with you.'

'fine. then i'm not happy.'

'what happened? is it the fans?'

'it's not the - well, a bit, i guess. but if it was just the fans then i'd deal like i've dealt for months.'

'i just don't understand. what happened?'

'it's just - when we were in new york taylor said - no… it's just that i don't love you like i used to.'

'you don't love me?'

she shakes her head. 'i love you. i'm just not in love with you anymore.'

'so that's it.'

'i'll leave tonight.' she agrees. 'i'll get my things while you're in doncaster.'

he nods, stares at the refrigerator, throws a shoe at the door when she was gone. 

___________________________

 

harry doesn't remember the moment that he met taylor. he remembers a time before he knew her, and a time after he knows her, but not the pivotal point in between. 

taylor is like that, really. she comes with a passion for life and love that is all consuming, that you can't get away from. suddenly there in a spot that you didn't realize had ever been empty. 

harry does remember the first moment he thought he could lover her, though. 

they're standing in central park and taylor has lux in her arms, wiping snot off her nose, and kissing her forehead. it shouldn't be incredible, it should be kind of gross, but it makes harry's heart explode in his chest all the same. 

taylor is everything that's missing from his life. she's smiles and happiness and freedom. she's sunshine and freshly fallen snow and wildflowers. she's soft curves and softer hair and whispered words when they're lightyears apart. taylor is freedom. 

the pictures of harry leaving taylor's hotel surface on the internet immediately. they're tweeted at him before he even gets out of the car, and splash themselves across a dozen 'news' sites within an hour. he wants to feel bad, to regret his decisions, to recognize that they weren't setting a good example for their fans. 

but all he can see is the smirk that has been missing form his face for the last six months, and he couldn't be any happier if he tried. 

______________________________

 

liam falls in love with her in moments and pieces that just make sense. 

he falls in love with danielle's hands first. she has graceful, long fingers that twist in his hair or slot between his or tap out silly rhythms on the counter when he's taking to long to pour her tea. 

he falls in love with her heart second, the way she givegivegives and never taketaketakes. except for the first time they fall into bed together and he's young, so young, and she taketaketakes exactly what she wants. 

he falls in love with that third. 

there are things about danielle that liam hates, though. he doesn't ever deny that. the way she lets her hair clog the shower drain for weeks until he has to pour acid down the drain to clean it out. the way she leaves her mugs of tea just on the edge of the counter, the way she doesn't seem to worry about anything except the way his fans hate her. 

he hates the first time she left him, packing up her bags while he's out on promotion, in another country, another world, and he doesn't even think about the fact that her texts are short and to the point. until he gets home and the flat is half empty and all of danni's things have disappeared. 

but when she comes back, head hanging and begging forgiveness, liam hates her just a bit more. 

and he lets her come home. 

_____________________________

 

the thing about zayn and perrie is that they're soulmates. not in the offhand way that people occasionally mention being madly in love and wanting to spend the rest of their lives together. 

no. 

zayn and perrie literally share a soul. he can feel her in his heart, always. he hurts when she hurts, even if they're on opposite sides of the world. 

she is everything he'd ever thought he'd wanted and a million things he didn't know he wanted and fuck, that was cliche, but he loves her anyway. 

but she's even better because she understands that he needs something else. something she can't give him. 

something that he can only get from the other boys. 

____________________________

 

niall hasn't ever been someone who believes in true love and soul mates and forever. 

he likes gentle curves and soft skin of the girls that occasionally grace his bed. he likes the tinkling laugh of amy and the overwhelming personality of demi and the certainty of that one night he'd spent with cazza. he liked all of it, but it isn't what he needs. it isn't his forever. 

his forever is twisted in the space between his hazza's fingers or the crook of his liam's neck. forever is a moment in his zayn's arms or the presence of his louis' smile, his real smile that can move mountains and melt polar icecaps and tame lions in a flash of brilliant teeth and crinkly eyes. 

niall's home is somewhere between striped shirts and letterman jackets and beanies and plaid and that, that, is true love and soulmates and forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still obviously own nothing. and this probably only happened in my mind. 
> 
>  
> 
> probably.

louis takes liam to the country just outside of doncaster when they've known each other for just over six months. it's cold and snowy and they' have to take a taxi that dropped them off at a tiny country cottage for the night and would pick them up the next morning. 

it's early in their friendship, really, they're still padding around awkwardly unsure of where they belong until louis throws himself against liam as he lays on the couch and suddenly, everything makes sense again. 

there is a gas-well near where they're staying, with a flame that burns constantly. louis waits til it's dark before pulling liam into the backyard. there are chairs there, surrounded by soft piles of snow and covered with thick, woolen blankets. 

'you drug me out here to sit in the snow?'

'just put your arse in that chair, payne.' louis laughs at the stricken look on liam's face. 

louis flips off the lights on the back patio and settles in the chair next to liam. 

'what are we doing?'

'what til your eyes adjust. give it a moment.'

the stars pop out in the sky, slowly, and then - suddenly - the entire world is different from the world that they'd been in moments before. there's a soft orange glow across the sky. 

'it's like - fire.'

'it's nice in silence.' louis whispers. 'sometimes you have to just be.'

and it is like fire painted across the sky, the reflection of the flames dancing across the space, waves of orange and red and every shade in-between. it is eery, the silence under the stars and the colors creeping across the sky. like a post-apocalyptic moment where the cities have burned in massive, all consuming fires, but the country house is still a safe haven. 

they are silent, bundled in their blankets, for nearly two hours. 

it's the longest liam had spent around a conscious louis without feeling like the older boy was simply too much. 

this couldn't be too much because it was just right. 

__________________________________

 

liam falls in love with niall before anyone else. 

it doesn't steal anything from his love for danni. that's solid and separate and 'normal' liam. 

this is shaky and weird and 'real' liam. 

it isn't sudden or slow. it isn't missing one day and there the next. it just is. it always is. 

it feels like breathing. natural. something that you don't think about, don't know about until it's not there for you anymore and without you'll absolutely _die_.

loving niall is like loving a child. it just happens, really. 

hurting for niall is like hurting for the children you don't know. you can't help it. you just do it. you'd take all the pain out of him and multiply it a thousand times and tuck it into every single corner of your body if it meant that niall would just smile. would just stop hurting. 

the thing about liam is that he protects with every fiber of his being. so when taylor spits words at niall's heart like a machine gun, tearing him apart, he doesn't think, he just reacts. 

it's certainly not the first moment that he defends niall, most definitely won't be the last. it's not the point that he proves to the others that he loves niall, because that's happened so long ago he can't even remember it, really. 

but it's most definitely the first time _she_ sees it. 

she sees the way that louis jumps in, too, and zayn is hugging niall so tightly it looks like he might break. and the problem is that liam watches her take it in. watches as the recognition sweeps across her face like an unseen wind and _Christ_ that makes it even worse. 

it's the first time that liam actually hates someone. hates so much that he wants nothing more than to make her sob into her pillow for weeks and maybe yank out a chunk of her hair so she's not so perfect anymore. hates her so much that he wants to push her out of their lives forever and never look at her again. hates her so much that he'd give up all the fame and money and lifestyles if he could keep his boys and never see her ever again. 

yes, liam hates her. 

the problems start when harry doesn't. 

________________________

 

zayn recognizes his love for liam first. 

it's instantaneous, like walking into a spiderweb. tickles at your skin, invisible and sticky and fragile and so strong at the same time. 

it's there and you can feel it and you can look for where it's coming from, what started it, but you'll never find the beginning thread. 

the first time the spiderweb sticks to his skin, they're all in liam's flat. he's never been so codependent, never met people who were so codependent, never imagined that he'd be so codependent. but he is and they are and it's unchanging. 

zayn is lying big spoon with a liam little spoon. louis makes a joke and liam turns his head, twists his body, to bury his face in zayn's neck and zayn is instantaneously wrapped in threads of silk that will never leave again. 

the words flicker through his mind. 'i love you' 'i need you.' 'you're my everything.' and he has to bite his tongue, actually bite down on his tongue to keep them from slipping out. 

instead he buries his face in the crook of liam's neck, breathing softly, until the urge passes and he can be _normal_ again. 

_________________________

 

everyone assumes that it's louis and harry. maybe it's that they lived together or the way they're so touchy-feely all the time. 

but for louis it's zayn before anyone else. 

zayn with his quiff and coffee-caramel skin and that smell that's so intrinsically zayn that sometimes louis can't breathe when they're together. 

louis like zayn because zayn is quiet where louis is loud. zayn is calm where louis is hyperactive. zayn is right where louis is wrong. 

sometimes, behind louis' smile and loudness and energy, louis hides his heartache. he doesn't tell the others because as much as liam is 'daddy direction', louis has an almost insane need to protect the others. 

this inexplicable compulsion of secrecy leads to louis' intense meltdowns. he can only hold so many feelings in his heart before they're bound to explode into something more. it's not his fault, really. it just is what it is. 

it's during one of these 'episodes', as niall calls them, that louis realizes he's in love with zayn. 

and it's hardly his fault that he can't keep it in. he's been keeping in everything for months and if it spills out among the tears and sobs and apologies, he can't really help it, can he? 

it happens like this:

louis freaks after a show. they're all changing, like they do every night, and suddenly louis is shouting at liam for never giving him enough space. and then he's shouting at liam for looking so god-damn hurt about louis shouting at him in the first place. then he's yelling at niall for settling onto the couch, sandwich in hand, to watch. 

that's where zayn steps in and presses a gentle hand at the base of louis' spine, and suddenly louis isn't shouting anything at all but sobbing and gasping for breath nd clinging so tightly to zayn that liam fears for a moment that they've broken him. 

it's not the first time it's happened, and they all know it won't be the last, but it's the worst so far. the way louis breathes so hard, sobs so violently he actually passes for a moment. the way, when he comes to he's not anything like the louis they know, but a tiny scared wisp of a boy. 

they change him together, helping him out of his stage clothes and into an extra pair of joggers niall had lying around and one of liam's jumpers. niall ties his sneakers and sits and holds his hand until the others are all ready, as well. 

they're slow and gentle and louis gets like this sometimes, so it's okay. but it's not okay because it's louis and he's so big that sometimes they forget how tiny he really is, and when liam lifts him into his arms to carry him to the door it's glaringly obvious that louis is not okay. 

it's when they get back to the bus, louis stumbling so much that zayn sighs at liam and tells him to lift him again, forget the fans, louis is more important than their image, that louis finally returns to the land of the conscious. he doesn't speak, but make grabby hands at zayn until wiggles in the space between louis and the back of louis' bunk, wrapping him tightly in his arms. 

louis cries then, safe and protected, and it's okay because sometimes even louis needs a cry. 

zayn doesn't move, doesn't speak other than to cluck in his ear gently, when the sobs are particularly harsh, and tot tighten his grip occasionally, reminding louis that he isn't alone. 

it's nearly two hours later when louis finally settles enough to drift in and out of consciousness. he's in that world between sleep and awake that makes everything seem fuzz and clear at the same time when he tilts his head up a bit to whisper in zayn's ear. 

'love you.'

zayn doesn't response, he's sleeping, too, and louis presses a soft kiss to the bottom of his jaw. 

'always love you.'

________________

 

for niall, it's so obviously louis that he think he might puke the first time he feels it. 

niall doesn't do things by halves, so when he falls in love with louis, it's the same way. 

they're drinking together, on new years ever, after the best year they've all ever had. niall is maybe the first one drunk, but that's only because zayn is mixing drinks and he makes niall's stronger _on purpose_. niall has never actually verified this, but everyone thinks niall's a funny drunk and zayn is just devious enough to try it. 

so they're all a little tipsy and it's okay because they're together and the girls aren't invited and 2011 was great but 2012 is going to be fucking epic. 

but niall's past tipsy and well into the 'rip-roaring drunk' stage of the evening when louis plops himself down in niall's lap. 

'happy new year's eve, ni-ni.' louis purrs into his ear. 

niall slurs something back that he thinks is 'you too, lou-bear' but is really more just a jumble of incoherent thoughts. 

' 's been a good year, yeah?'

niall just nods, lost in louis' smile and that's when he _knows_. he _knows_ like he knows that liam hates spoons and he knows that harry is kind of a ho and that zayn is the most vain person he's ever met. he just _knows_. 

so he can't stop himself when he leans his head up and kisses louis easily, like it's meant to be. louis laughs into it, reaching up to hold niall's jaw still and slot his lips until they're perfect. and louis and niall are kissing and it's perfect and everything and not enough all at once. 

louis eventually pulls away, giggling. 

'niallers drunk!' he yells to the room. and niall tries to shove him away but really they both just tumble off the couch into a pile of uselessness. 

yeah, it's so obviously louis that niall might actually die a little bit.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andddd this is still mostly things I've made up in my mind. I apologize again for the terrible grammar and run on sentences. Also, the excessive use of the word 'and'.

taylor comes to harry sobbing, and he doesn't know what to do with that. 

he doesn't understand her garbled words and christ, she has an ugly cry face. but she throws herself at him and it's instinct, really, to wrap her tightly, shush her, and promise he's not leaving. 

dating just has never really been a thing that harry does. well, that's not true. before one direction and x factor and beautiful women throwing themselves at him, harry was great at dating. long, steady relationships that were _meaningful_. but then life happened and suddenly women were falling over each other and themselves to spend a moment in his presence, and they'll do nearly anything to get into his bed. 

so relationships become something of the past. he very rarely turns someone away, but he's clear - before anything even starts - that once is great and twice is okay but three times is almost dating and he just doesn't do that. 

cazza is his only exception. he wants to have reasons that are petty and lame and so typically harry that it's sickening but the truth is much different. he keeps cazza because it's the first time that someone looks at him as something other than a child. cazza is strong and otherworldly and she knows - she _knows_ \- how to make harry twist to her every whim. he'd stay with her forever if there weren't people tearing her o shreds at every turn. harry is content to spend every moment laying at her feet, but it's not fair and he can't do it anymore and so he leaves. 

cazza is his only exception. until he meets taylor. 

so when she comes to him, sobbing, and he can't understand what she's saying, he really just wants to tell her to grow up, she's not a fucking a child, and her really just wants to shove her away and ind the lads. but she's clinging to him and despondent and he's not totally heartless, he just doesn't like dating people, so instead he holds her while she cries. 

it takes nearly three quarters of an hour for her to calm enough to sob out liam's name, and when she finally does, harry pretty much knows it's the end. 

_________________

 

the thing is - _the thing about it is_ , the rest just sorts of happens. it's kind of like niall kissing louis is the green light for a ridiculous amount of boy-on-boy kisses. 

louis kisses zayn and zayn kiss liam and liam kisses louis and then niall shouts something about being left out and they all kiss him, one after the other. 

but then there's danielle and eleanor and liam has a guilty conscious like no one else in the entire planet. 

when liam sits danielle down and says 'i kissed the lads', she laughs at first, then turns contemplative. 

'all of them?' she asks when she realizes he's not serious and looking so guilty her heart might break for him. 

'except hazza.'

'why not him?'

'i dunno.'

'is this like - something you'll be doing regularly?'

liam shrugs because he wants to say 'no'. he wants to tell danielle that they're forever and no one - especially three lads - could possibly come between them. but he has this thing where he can't lie to her. it's seriously like a _thing_. so he doesn't want to say that they give him something that danielle can't give him. because he loves danielle, he swears he does but they get it. they're with him all the time and he's not liam without zayn and niall and louis. 

'i'm not angry.' she whispers taking his hand. 'i thought - i honestly can't believe it hasn't happened before.'

liam looks scandalized and she can't help but giggle. 

'i just - i knew what i was getting into, didn't i? i saw you together.'

'but never like that!'

'do you want me to be angry? is this because you feel guilty?'

'i - ' liam just shrugged. 

'if you're not okay with it, then don't do it. but i'm not going to be the one to tell you no for this, liam.'

'but - '

'i've spent our entire relationship knowing that i'd never give you everything you need. this doesn't change us. it just changes you and them.'

liam is silent, eyes squeezed tightly shut. 

'i know this might be hard for you.'

and it is, it's so hard. because liam has been raised to be faithful to one person, _one girl_ , and this goes against everything he's ever known or been taught or thought about. 

but like, he can't imagine his life any other way. and when he thinks about it - when he lets his mind wonder to being without them, he knows he'd literally give up anything in the entire world to stay just the way they are. 

'i still love you.' he whispers. 

'i know.' she laughs, softly. 'i have no doubt that you love me.'

'and you're sure - this is really something you can live with?'

'i mean. it's not like i have to participate right? and it could be worse. as long as it's just the lads, and only ever your lads, then i can't so no, can i? it's not like you'd choose me, would you?'

and liam's heart breaks at that because would he? could he? and it's really not even fair for her to ask, but she did and liam's panicking now he can feel his chest tightening when - 

'it's alright, li.' she's worried, suddenly, and in his space. 'i'm sure. i shouldn't have said that.'

'but you're right." he mutters. ' it's not fair to ask you to do this.'

'you're not asking.' she sighs. 'i'm offering. i'm telling you that it's alright. because i love you, liam, so much.'

and it's then, reaching for danielle and pulling her against his chest, that he loves her, too. 

____________________

 

it's not a conscious decision to leave harry out. it's honestly not. he's not there on new year's eve with the others, but out with his girl toy of the week. 

so when they start touring again and harry's not exactly a part of this new thing, it's not because they don't want him to be. 

harry's not good at telling them what he needs, he's not demanding like louis, or pouty like zayn, or carefree like niall, or polite like liam. he keeps his needs to himself, especially this one where he's on the outside of that. 

and it hurts, really, that they don't even seem to miss him. it's why he turns to cazza in the first place, he's always said. the boys were all together and he wasn't and it just - cazza took him under her wing, and suddenly he belonged. 

it's just that caroline leaves him so _broken_ and the others have each other and he doesn't have anyone. that's the first time he turns to taylor. they meet a couple months later and it clicks for him. he can't help it if he leaves the country then, and accidentally sleeps with someone else. 

but she writes songs about him and he listens to them all and when she offers him a second chance he's so alone in a band of his 'brothers' that how can he say no?

it's particularly daunting the first time news break of them together, again. 

he's not sure how the fans know but they always know when he's laughing with a girl or flirting with a woman and they jump down his throat and her throat and suddenly everyone in the entire galaxy knows he's talking to taylor again, and with his exile from the boys, he doesn't think he can take exile from the fans, too, so he just dates her. 

she's fun and it's fine and for the first time since caroline, he's not alone. 

_____________________

 

perrie and zayn get pregnant in the spring of 2013. she visits him on tour and they're drunk and irresponsible and stupid. 

she tells him on the phone, about a month later, when he's in a city he doesn't recognize with a name that's a bunch of consonants and not enough vowels. 

it goes a little like this. 

'zee. we've got to talk. what are you doing?'

'i've got about twenty minutes before the show.'

'are you alone?'

'nope. ni's here with me.' he didn't mention that niall was curled against his chest sucking a lovebite that would hide just under the color of his shirt. 

'this is really important, z.'

'well he's not listening or anything.'

'you should probably be alone.' she whined, softly.

zayn pushed at niall, gently, until he gets up to leave. he bends down and presses a kiss to zany's forehead and zayn melts. 

'he's gone. what's up?'

'i don't know how to say this…' she starts. 

'english'll do it, babe.'

'i'm pregnant.'

he laughs, a short burst that makes his own chest ache. 

'you're kidding, right?' he finally says, when she's silent. 

she doesn't speak and for a moment he thinks she's hung up until he hears her quiet cries. 

'pezza? you can't be serious.'

'i didn't mean for this to happen.' she cries, softly. ' 'm sorry.'

'fuck, where are you?'

'the apartment.'

'in london?'

'yeah.'

'i'm coming home.'

less than an hour later he's on his way to the airport and it's the beginning of their end. 

________________________

 

during the msg gig, in the middle of the stage with his best friends, liam realizes he has to break up with danielle. for good this time. 

he waits, though, because he's fucking liam payne, and he doesn't hurt anyone in his life, ever. it takes a _long_ time for him to finally do it. to work up the courage to do what he wants. 

so in the spring of 2013, zayn takes off from tour without telling anyone anything, and liam calls danielle and demands that she flies in immediately. 

he's not heartless, he'd never end things in a phone call or text message or email or even over skype. 

she lands in the united states on a thursday afternoon. it's rainy. zayn is still mia, refusing to speak to any of them, and liam and louis and niall have spent the last two nights curled around each other in a bed of anguish. 

she lands and of course it's raining because liam's life is nothing if not cliche. 

he picks her up from the airport himself, riding in the back of a town car that smells faintly of corn chips, and she looks beautiful, even as she walks through an airport after hours of flight. 

she's all smiles and she kisses him easily. and he finds himself relaxing her against his chest and snuggling into the familiar scent of her curls. 

they spend the first night together, he's coming down after the show and she's so willing. neither of them says it, but they both know it's like a final goodbye. 

he officially ends it on the way to the airport the next morning. 

'danni.' he mutters, looking at the floor. 

'don't.' she whispers. 'i know what you're going to say. and it's fine. but please, don't say it.'

'but -'

'i'll have my stuff out before you get home again. i'm not promising i'll leave tomorrow, but before you're home.'

'you can have the flat.' he offers. 'i can have ruth and my mum pack everything.'

'where will you go? you won't be able to look at places until your back.' she crying, softly, and staring out the window. 

'i'll have them leave my stuff at niall's.'

she snorts then, or maybe chokes on a sob. it's hard to tell and he's still adamantly counting the pulled strands in the carpet. 

'it's like that, then?' she murmurs. 'i let you - i said i was okay with it. and you're still leaving me.'

'it's not - '

'oh, come off it, li. it'd take a blind man not to see.'

'i love them.'

'i love you.'

his chest tightens at that. 

'do you love me?' she asks, not unkindly. 'did you ever love me?'

he's silent. because he did. he loved her so much it's almost unbearable. 

'it's fine, liam. i'll pack your stuff up and you can have whoever take it niall's house. i'll have it finished by next weekend.'

'danni.' he starts.

but she cuts him off. 'i would have done this forever, you know? i would have been willing to always be the girl that you cover your tracks with because i adore you. you're the only future i've seen for myself since we've met. you and me and a white picket fence and half a dozen children with your hair and my eyes.'

'stop - '

'no, you listen to me, liam payne.' she continues, louder now. 'i've given up so much to be with you and put up with your little 'relationship'. and taylor told me - she told me - that this would happen. i should have known.'

'taylor told you what?'

'she told me that harry says you're all in love. all four of you. that you're slowly pushing out the entire rest of the world.'

'that's ridiculous. that's - '

'she's right, though, isn't she? louis and eleanor broke up. you're dumping me. niall's never been with anyone.'

'he has so.'

'not really.' she laughs harshly. 'this is going to blow up in your face and you should just know that i won't take you back.'

'fine.' he crosses his arms, petulant and hurt, and he shouldn't be the one hurting but he is. he's aching. 

because the idea of being without them, the idea of them leaving him, that's - that's unbearable. 

they're at the airport now, stopped at the curb 

'i love you, liam.' she whispers. 'i wish it was enough.'

he nods, smiles sadly at her. 'me, too.'

she shakes her head. 'don't lie to yourself. goodbye.'

it's the most final thing he's ever heard and it makes him sad, but not ache. it's not something that he won't get over. 

she doesn't look back as she walks away from him, and that doesn't hurt as much as he thinks it should. 

he's on his way back to the hotel when it finally stops raining. 

'sir?' the driver calls back, gently. 

'yes?' liam rubs at his cheeks, embarrassed. 

'look just over there.' the driver points out the passenger window, and liam follows his finger. 

there's a double rainbow, across the entire sky, stretched wide and shining bright. 

'can you stop a moment?'

'what?'

'stop the car, now. please.' liam demands. they're driving down the interstate, and the median is large over the mountains. he thinks they're in pennsylvania? kentucky? he can't remember for sure. 

the car stops, pulls along the side of the road, and it's the perfect spot. he flings the door open, climbs out, and stands there for a moment. they hills are so green it reminds him of the time he's spent in ireland with niall. 

it's open here, and bright and there's so much _air_ that he hasn't had in ages. 

and yeah, he just dumped his girlfriend, but he doesn't love her like he used to. he loves three boys. 

and like, maybe that'll be okay. 

____________________

 

when zayn gets to his flat, perrie is curled on the sofa, knees tucked under her chin and a carton of ice-cream melting messily on the table. 

she looks up, eyes panicked, then stricken when she realizes it's him. 

'you didn't have to come.'

he rolls his eyes at that. 

'of course i did, pez. you should have known it was the first thing i'd do.'

'no, i mean, really. i'm taking care of it.'

'taking care of it? what does that even mean?'

'i talked to management. they found a place that'll do it late at night and no one will ever know.'

'you're going to abort it? our child?' zayn is frozen, halfway to his favorite armchair, and he can't breathe. the room is suddenly a tenth of it's former size and he's a giant in an elf's world. 

'it's not a child yet, z.' she looks pained. 'it's just a mass of cells.'

'cells that are our baby!'

'stop.' she chokes out. 'just stop.'

'we're not even discussing it?'

'i've already done all the talking i need to.'

'that's it then?'

'that's it.'

she shrugs, curls back in on herself, and refuses to look at him. 

zayn can't breathe and he can't move and he loves _loves_ perrie, but it's their baby. an innocent little child that's done nothing wrong but appear in the world at a time that's not entirely convenient. 

'when are you going?' zayn is broken. 

'tonight. jade is taking me. unless… did you want to go?'

zayn chokes on a sob then, it's in his chest and won't come out and _christ_ what happened to all the oxygen in his room. 

'you should go.' perrie whispers, not looking at him. 'you have tour and everything.'

'you should die.' he whispers, so softly that there's not a chance in the world she's heard him. 

and he hates her so violently in that moment, it's crippling. but he leaves, turns and walks out his front door. pulls out his phone and calls the police and says there's been a squatter called perrie staying in his flat while he's been on tour. he'd like her arrested and charges pressed. then he says, suddenly, that he's sorry there's been a mistake and he hangs up. 

he spends the night in a hotel and books his flight back for the morning. 

he doesn't realizes it, doesn't see her, but he walks past danielle in the airport the next day. 

________________________________

 

harry and taylor have their first kiss on new years eve. she's such a prude, and he's heard the rumors. john raped her or took her virginity or maybe made fun of one of her songs to her face and now she won't do anything with anyone that she hasn't been dating for ages. 

he spends the days of december plotting gifts and presents and surprises for her. they spend his time in nyc together, then she flies to england to be with him for her birthday. he's not creative - not really - and what do you get for the girl that can buy herself anything? so he buys her cupcakes for her birthday and gives her the gift of days in cheshire living the life he'd live if he'd never gotten famous. they go for chinese and feed birds and he buys her a single flower that she tucks into her hair. they're cliche and it's perfect. 

she leaves, for a bit, and when he goes to la for the x-factor, she's there. he stays at her house with taylor and her mum. and it's not even weird, not really, because it's not like they _do_ anything. except bake pumpkin bread and watch old movies and sit on wicker patio furniture. it's so cliche it's painful, and when the lads ask where he's been he's not even embarrassed that she won't sleep with him. 

the other boys go home and he takes her to utah. they go skiing and justin and selena show up and harry wants to call niall, let him know what's happening, but none of the boys are speaking to him after the whole 'fat, blonde, irish pig' fiasco. and justin's not speaking to taylor or harry, just selena, and it's awkward and uncomfortable, but he stays with taylor because she's beautiful and she tells him she loves him even though they haven't even kissed yet. 

_they haven't even kissed yet._

he goes home for christmas, and his mum is so disappointed when he packs up there days later to head back to where taylor is waiting for him. always waiting. 

his mum drives him to the airport, begs him to stay. when he forgets his passport, she tells him it's a sign that he's leaving his family behind and he almost caves. but then she texts him…

'can't wait to see you. ;)'

…and he's suddenly sure that's where he should be. 

harry arrives in new york and they go out together on new year's eve. he has to perform, and she chooses that stupid song about him. he hates that song, hates that it's such a success because really, it's basically the only good song she's ever written. not that he's ever told her that, but he hates her music. and this song, he actually likes it. or he'd like it if it was about anyone else. but it tears his reputation to shreds, and maybe he deserves it, but that doesn't make it okay. 

and he hates when she sings it in front of him. she promised she wasn't doing it tonight, she'd do 'begin again' - an homage to their very first date almost a year ago - instead, but she's up there singing it and he's so angry. 

but she jumps off the stage and runs to find him, and the ball is dropping and he's not even looking at her, but she counts down, weasels herself closer to him, grabs his face on two and kisses him at midnight. she kisses hard and passionate and it's worth the wait and the anger and everything else because he's finally, finally kissing taylor swift and things might actually be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked this. Or didn't like it. Or whatever, please let me know! I'd love to heard your thoughts. It's totally different from anything I've ever written before so I'm a bit unsure!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!


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